When I was a kid, my primary school teachers thought I might have hearing problems, but my paediatrician determined that I was actually just a ‘selective listener’.
That was the accepted explanation for a long time. I was scatterbrained, away with the fairies, head in the clouds. These things were (and still are) true, but eventually it got to a point where none of those things could adequately explain why I couldn’t always control the beehive in my head. So earlier this year, and after a lot of thought on my part, I made myself some appointments and was formally diagnosed by a professional as having Attention Deficit Disorder on the Inattentive spectrum.
ADD is, in two words: A Trip.
My mind is constantly overstimulated, and as a result, frequently fatigued. I can talk and talk and talk but forget what I was initially talking about a second ago. I find myself wrestling with my own brain just to get through involved social situations, which is again, exhausting. Trying to fall asleep at night is a mission and a half – my propensity for wild and vivid daydreaming ensures that I can never get a decent night’s rest.
But boy, does it make for a great superpower.
If there’s one thing that ADD does do for me, it’s enhance my imagination – and as a creative, that is right up there on the list of things that are Super Valuable. The way my imagination can leap into action at the drop of a hat is honestly one of the most comforting things in the world. It’s served as a friend when I’m feeling alone, anxious, or out of place. It’s likely enhanced for me what we in the parkour community call ‘parkour vision’ – our ability to look at space or obstacle and see all the different ways we can move around it. And of course, it’s definitely been of benefit in my profession as an independent filmmaker and writer.
Sure, zoning off at inopportune times does trip me up sometimes. Sometimes I have to choose between falling asleep and writing down the idea I just had. Maybe my mum has to repeat herself a couple times before I actually take in what she said. But hot damn, do I come up with some great ideas when I’m in the zone*.
With my superpower (or my Ability, if you will), working through creative obstacles is one of the most fulfilling challenges I encounter on a semi-regular basis. Whenever I shift into Maximum Hyperfocus Overdrive, I feel like I’m both the unstoppable force and the immovable object. If I’m stuck on a plot point, give me my notebook and good pen, and within a few pages (or up to ten, if it’s super tough), I’ve slammed out some concepts and worked something out – it’s never failed.
It’s with this Ability and its entourage that I worked my way through NO MORE HEROES, and how I continue to work my way through its sequel, officially titled HELL OR HIGH WATER. There are so many ideas, both shelved and to-page, that I’ve come up with during the writing process, and so many more that I want to execute. There’s still a lot of work for me to do – my main job as an independent filmmaker/videographer makes for a very unpredictable schedule – but I’m confident that with my unorthodox Ability, Inattentive Attention Deficit Disorder, we’ll be able accomplish some great things together.
Kia kaha!!
*The quality of these ideas can range from Block-Buster and Truly Inspired to Questionable, Half-Asleep and Semi-Coherent, but whatevs, yo – an idea’s an idea. Heck yeah.
AUTHOR BIO
Michelle Kan is an independent filmmaker/videographer and writer based in Wellington, New Zealand. Fish & Swallow Productions, her online content production studio, is dedicated to the documenting of arts/cultural events and the spotlighting of artists, creatives and other extraordinary individuals around New Zealand. NO MORE HEROES was her debut novel and was initially written during her first National Novel Writing Month in 2014.
A 1.5 generation Chinese-New Zealander, Michelle is passionate about the arts, exploring her cultural heritage through her creative output, and is a lover of graphic novels, video games, action/martial arts films and parkour – all profound influences which helped her shape the world and characters of No More Heroes.
#OWNVOICES: NO MORE HEROES is #OwnVoices for Asian/Chinese, ADD, Anxiety/Depression, Aro/Ace-spec and Genderfluid rep.
