Guest Post: Can Ghosts Have Sex? by M. R. Cornelius

18 Sep

I’m sure a ghost can fall in love with another ghost. They run into each other at the same movies. They haunt the same clubs. A man ghost spots a woman ghost at a Black Keys concert. He’s hanging out right next to Patrick Carney at the drums when the she-ghost climbs up on stage to dance in front of Dan Auerbach. They recognize each other, and after the concert, our twosome strikes up a conversation with the typical icebreakers: How did you die? When? Buried or cremated? And the next thing you know, they’re spending all their time together.

But what about sex? I think we can all agree there’s no touching between ghosts. No kissing, no hugging, no fondling. What about eating? Drinking? It’s probably safe to say there won’t be any intimate dinners, or late nights at a bar.

What will your new love be wearing that attracted you to them in the first place? Will she be decked out in the tight jeans and halter top she had on when she went through the windshield? Will her clothes be ripped, her face bloody? If he was blown to bits in Afghanistan, will his uniform be in shreds? Will HE be in pieces?

I think not. Once they’re ghosts, I like to think our love-birds will be looking hot, and whole, not missing an arm, or wearing a hospital gown. (Although that open back might add a soupcon of excitement to the relationship.)

Can they smell after shave or cologne? I doubt it. Although don’t we all assume ghosts can see and hear and speak?

So basically, a ghost relationship is all talk?

If they can’t do the same things the living do, can they at least travel back and forward in time? That might make a fun date, going back to watch dinosaurs, or catch a space freighter heading for Alderaan. But my gut feeling is they are stuck in the here and now, just like you and me.

Oh, they can probably travel faster. They visualize the Eiffel Tower, and bingo – they’re gazing down on romantic Paris. If they’re the outdoor-types, they won’t have to bother with a bunch of gear, they can just look at the top of Mt. Everest and be there. Of course, that takes some of the excitement out of it.

They can probably meet awesome people like Jules Verne, H. P. Lovecraft, Anne McCaffrey. (If they know where to look.) It’s not like there will be some kind of directory in the afterworld. ‘Jules Verne usually summers on the Cote d’Azur . . .’

So, I don’t know. With all these limitations, maybe it isn’t practical for a ghost to fall in love. Maybe all these obstacles just make them irritable. And that’s why they mostly hang around creepy places, waiting to scare the bejeezus out of us.

M. R. Cornelius is the author of The Ups and Downs of Being Dead, the story of a 57 year-old man who chooses cryonics over death. A complete synopsis, and the book, are available on Amazon. 


2 Responses to “Guest Post: Can Ghosts Have Sex? by M. R. Cornelius”

  1. Alexa Cohen September 20, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    Ghosts may have virtual (or maybe spiritual) sex if they find the right partner. Which may prove as difficult to find in the spiritual world as it is in the flesh and blood one. And then we find the perfect, spiritual partner, perfect for us, the one we’ve been looking for all our lives, the one who was made for us, right there, a ghost like ourselves.

    A ghost wh decides to fall for the damned blond-ghost secretary, or similar. Will fake blonde secretaries remain blondes in the afterlife?

    But not all ghost are scary. I know it sounds stupid and I know not many people will believe me, but we used to live with one in our old house. She (it was a she) just bothered the hell out of us awakening all the people in the house whenever she decided to open and close the door of the bathroom with the most frightful noise.

    Maybe she was angry because she hadn’t found the right post-life partner, or maybe she was angry because she found a door where there used to be none (bathroom being a late addition to a XIVth years old house).

    It would be interesting to be able to talk with one, but so far, no one has ever managed it. So sex o no sex, that’s the question.

    • M. R. Cornelius October 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

      Hi Alexa,
      I spent a lot of time pondering ghosts when I wrote The Ups and Downs of Being Dead. Why do they do what they do? I wonder if your ghost was mad that she spent years trotting to the outhouse while you got the luxury of indoor plumbing?

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