Guest Post: Can Ghosts Have Sex? by M. R. Cornelius
I’m sure a ghost can fall in love with another ghost. They run into each other at the same movies. They haunt the same clubs. A man ghost spots a woman ghost at a Black Keys concert. He’s hanging out right next to Patrick Carney at the drums when the she-ghost climbs up on stage to dance in front of Dan Auerbach. They recognize each other, and after the concert, our twosome strikes up a conversation with the typical icebreakers: How did you die? When? Buried or cremated? And the next thing you know, they’re spending all their time together. But what about sex? I think we can all agree there’s no touching between ghosts. No kissing, no hugging, no fondling. What about eating? Drinking? It’s probably safe to say there won’t be any intimate dinners, or late nights at a bar. What will your new love be wearing that attracted you to them in the first place? Will she be decked out in the tight jeans and halter top she had on when she went through the windshield? Will her clothes be ripped, her face bloody? If he was blown to bits in Afghanistan, will his uniform be in shreds? Will HE be in pieces? I think not. Once they’re ghosts, I like to think our love-birds will be looking hot, and whole, not missing an arm, or wearing a hospital gown. (Although that open back might add a soupcon of excitement to the relationship.) Can they smell after shave or cologne? I doubt it. Although don’t we all assume ghosts can see and hear and speak? So basically, a ghost relationship is all talk? If they can’t do the same things the living do, can they at least travel back and forward in time? That might make a fun date, going back to watch dinosaurs, or catch a space freighter heading for Alderaan. But my gut feeling is they are stuck in the here and now, just like you and me. Oh, they can probably travel faster. They visualize the Eiffel Tower, and bingo – they’re gazing down on romantic Paris. If they’re the outdoor-types, they won’t have to bother with a bunch of gear, they can just look at the top of Mt. Everest and be there. Of course, that takes some of the excitement out of it. They can probably meet awesome people like Jules Verne, H. P. Lovecraft, Anne McCaffrey. (If they know where to look.) It’s not like there will be some kind of directory in the afterworld. ‘Jules Verne usually summers on the Cote d’Azur . . .’ So, I don’t know. With all these limitations, maybe it isn’t practical for a ghost to fall in love. Maybe all these obstacles just make them irritable. And that’s why they mostly hang around creepy places, waiting to scare the bejeezus out of us. M. R. Cornelius is the author of The Ups and Downs of Being Dead, the story of a 57 year-old man who chooses cryonics over death. A complete synopsis, and the book, are available on Amazon. http://amzn.to/LvCEf7
