Feed the Machine: Black Hole Son

21 Sep

Goodbye Big Bang, hello black hole? A new theory of the universe’s creation

This week’s article is a doozy. It has everything a science fiction fan could want — branes, four dimensional stars, black holes, hyperspheres — and it is all completely true.

That’s a bit misleading. Mathematically, the theory is plausible. There are still a few kinks and refinements, but it does posit some interesting possibilities for the origin of our universe.

Now let’s get down to making that Purina Machine Chow.

The cheap, easy food starts at the top with the whole “what if there are membrane universes and we’re just a bubble in the seafoam of creation blah yawn snore…” idea. But this isn’t the high protein, high fiber food our machines need.

Hidden Black Hole -- APOD

What would a four dimensional star look like? One can only assume that they mean the star has four spatial dimensions. I imagine it with a bunch of bright loops and twists and sparkly bits. Every science fiction writer who has ever dabbled in higher dimensional brane theory knows that the fourth spatial dimension imparts everything that passes through its fields with a considerable amount of pizzazz.

If we are living within a black hole, then does that mean that somewhere in the universe, a giant, massive, naked singularity is just hanging out, chilling in the two degree Kelvin vacuum? And would this singularity gobble up matter and funnel it down into another, lower dimensional universe, creating for all intents and purpose, an Abbott-esque Flatland?


Or, instead of a singularity, is our universe just in the throat of a gigantic white hole that connects to the black hole of the four dimensional hyperstar? As the black hole moves through the brane, tearing hyperhydrogen into its component hyperprotons, hyperelectrons, hyperquarks, hypergluons (it’s also common knowledge to SF writers that higher dimensional universes are caffeinated), and funneling them into our universe as lower dimensional counterparts? Are we living at the ass-end of an interuniversal junkyard, our universe being the bum who lives within a hollowed out mountain of mattresses, making bottle glass jewelry out of the detritus of the recycling center?

Boom. Metaphor landed.

This article doesn’t get into the intricacies of black hole physics. One of my favorite theories is that although matter gets ripped apart as it enters a black hole, on the other side of the singularity, it gets reassembled and shot out whole. If we incorporate this essential oil into our kibble, an entire new set of possibilities arises. For example, what if a higher dimensional being gets caught in the gravity well of the black hole and is transported to our lower dimensional universe? Would it even understand how to move in a place with only three spatial dimensions? Providing it can survive the vacuum of space, would it go mad the instant it appeared? Or, even better, is this how our universe was seeded with life in the first place? Or are we just the bastard children of higher dimensional klutzes who wanted to have a gander at an event horizon, tripped on a hypercomet, and tumbled ass over teakettle into the mother-singularity?

If CERN can create a black hole, will they have to file for paternity rights?


A short article, but a lot of fun angles to explore. Are there any subjects you’d like to see transubstantiated into nutritious unleavened wafers (available in new, bold Sour Cream and Onion flavor) for your hungry machine? Drop it into the comments and the chef may indulge your pallet in the future.

–The End–


One Response to “Feed the Machine: Black Hole Son”

  1. Paul Weimer September 22, 2013 at 10:02 pm #


    This reminds me of a RPG setting I came across, which had everyone living in the small pocket universe behind every black hole. It ultimately WAS a junkyard of the universe, with people living it (and other species besides)

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