Torture Media

(Note:  we’ve changed the title of this feature pending our first Torture Literature review.)

There are a lot of truly awful movies and books out there.  Some of them you’ve seen/read, and some of them you’ve avoided like the plague.  And then there are those movies/books that you’ve heard were awful, but haven’t seen/read to judge for yourself.  We’re here to deal with that last category.

Torture Cinema is an regular feature where we watch bad science fiction and fantasy movies so you don’t have to.  Each segment features our detailed criticisms of a particular film, from our likes and dislikes.  Every movie also receives a grade (all reviewed movies w/ grades are listed below).

We’ve also recently started the Torture Literature feature, which follows the same logic as Torture Cinema.  This will be an irregular addition.

If you’d like to suggest a bad SF/F/H movie or book for us to watch, feel free to send us an email (skiffyandfanty[at]gmail[dot]com), leave a comment anywhere on this site, or send a message to our Twitter account.  All suggestions will eventually show up on our monthly Torture Cinema poll, with exception to certain months.  (Note:  We’re interested in less obscure works.  There are lots of awful indie and unheard of films/books.  We want to watchread the stuff that some people might reasonably have heard about.)

Torture Cinema Reviews:

The First Torture

In the Name of the King (2007)
(Uwe Boll; Jason Statham, John Rhys Davies, Ray Liotta, etc.)
Grade:
–Shaun (D- Amended to a D+)
–Jen (D+)
–Average (D Amended to a D+ average)
Featured in Episode Fifteen

The Second Torture

The Guyver (1991)
(Screaming Mad George and Steve Wang; Mark Hamill)
Grade:
–Shaun (D-)
–Jen (F)
–Average (F+)
Featured in Episode Eighteen.

The Third Torture

Battlefield Earth (2000)
(Roger Christian, Corey Mandell, and J.D. Shapiro; John Travolta, Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates, and Barry Pepper)
Grade:
–Shaun (C-)
–Jen (C)
–Average (C-ish)
Featured in Episode Twenty-one.

The Fourth Torture

Creep (2004)
(Franka Potente and Sean Harris; dir. Christopher Smith)
Grade:
–Shaun (C-)
–Jen (C)
–Average (C-ish)
Featured in Episode Twenty-four.

The Fifth Torture

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
(John Call, Leonard Hicks, and Vincent Beck)
Grades:
–Shaun (D-)
–Jen (C-)
–Average (D-ish)
Featured in Episode Twenty-nine

The Sixth Torture

The Last Airbender (2010)
(Dev Patel, Shaun Toub, Aasif Mandvi, Cliff Curtis; M. Night Shyamalan)
Grades:
–Shaun (F-)
–Jen (F)
–Overall (F-ish)
Featured in Episode 2.6

The Seventh Torture

Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
(Jeremy Irons, Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Thora Birch, and Bruce Payne)
Grades:
–Shaun (D-)
–Jen (F-)
–Overall (Fish)
Featured in Episode 3.1

The Eight Torture

Alone in the Dark (2005)
(Christian Slater and Tara Reid; Uwe Boll)
Grades:
–Shaun (C-)
–Jen (C-)
–Overall (C-)
Featured in Episode 3.3

The Ninth Torture
Batman & Robin (1997)
(George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris O’Donnell; Joel Schumacher)
Grades
–Shaun (F+)
–Jen (D)
–Overall (D-)
Featured in Episode 3.9

The Tenth Torture

The Wicker Man (2006)
(Nicolas Cage)
Grades
–Shaun (D+)
–Jen (D)
–Overall (Dish)
Featured in Episode 4.2

The Eleventh Torture

War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (2008)
(C. Thomas Howell, Christopher Reid, and Kim Little)
Grades:
–Shaun (F-)
–Jen (F-)
–Overall (F-)
Featured in Episode 4.6

The Twelfth Torture 

Mansquito (2005)
(Corin Nemec, Musetta Vander, and Matt Jordan)
Grades:
–Shaun (C-)
–Jen (C+)
–Overall (C)
Featured in Episode 5.1

The Thirteenth Torture 

2012 (2009)
(John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and Chiwetel Ejiofor; Roland Emmerich)
Grades:
–Shaun (D+)
–Jen (C)
–Overall (C-)
Featured in Episode 5.5

The Fourteenth Torture 
Jason X (2001)
(Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, and Lisa Ryder; James Isaac)
Grades:
–Shaun (F+)
–Jen (F+)
–Overall (F+)
Featured in Episode 5.9

The Fifteenth Torture
Rare Exports (2010)
(Jorma Tommila, Peeter Jakobi, and Onni Tommila; Jalmari Helander)
Grades:
–Shaun (B)
–Jen (B+)
–Overall (Bish)
Featured in Episode 6.7

The Sixteenth Torture
Twilight (2008)
(Kirsten Stewart, Robert Pattison, and Billy Burke; Catherine Hardwicke)
Grades:
–Shaun (F)
–Jen (F)
–Overall (F)
Featured in Episode 2

The Seventeenth Torture

Twilight: New Moon (2009)
(Kirsten Stewart, Robert Pattison, and Billy Burke; Chris Weitz)
Grades:
–Shaun (F-)
–Jen (F)
–Overall (Fish)
Featured in Episode 90

The Eighteenth Torture
Twilight: Eclipse (2010)
(Kirsten Stewart, Robert Pattison, and Taylor Lautner; Chris Weitz)
Grades:
–Shaun (F+)
–Jen (D)
–Overall (D-)
Featured in Episode 91.

The First Torture

Doom (2007)
(Dwayne Johnson and Karl Urban)
Grade:
–Shaun (D+)
–Jen (B-)
–Paul (D-)
–Normal Pants (C)
–Average (C)
Featured in Episode 100

Torture Literature Reviews:

The First Torture

Modelland by Tyra Banks (2011)
Grade:
–Shaun (F-)
–Jen (F-)
–Average (F-)
Featured in Episode 6.3